I never thought my life would get to the point that I would be experiencing so much anxiety that I couldn't safely drive myself around, I couldn't sleep at night, and I couldn't eat without experiencing knots in my stomach. Anxiety is crippling, and it's worse when you don't have an outlet.
The biggest problem I faced was the inability to do the thing that I love: sculpt. I knew that I was wrecking my hands, but I was surrounded by the supportive people. Who'da thought you could be living in hell surrounded by such nice people?
You can be excellent at what you do, but if that thing makes you ill, stop justifying reasons to stay. Your health is worth protecting. You are worth protecting.
I could have pushed through and tried to figure ways around the struggles and anxiety, and I could have wound up in a car accident the next day – thank God I had two narrow misses in one day. It was then that I knew I was robbing the people around me of who I am.
Every person is made to do something. I bring joy into people's lives with my characters, and I'm going to make sure that I'm able to do that for as long as I possibly can. If it means that I make a lot less money, I believe it's worth it. But I don't believe that will be the case forever.
I'm going to treat my work like a job, just as I did with "claylist". I'm going to manage my time better, spend time daily coming up with illustration ideas, innovate solutions for rigs, and improve my technical skills. I'm also going to figure out ways to monetize my work - selling prints hopefully, but also by looking into permanent sculptures for people to buy.
I'm also going to get back to making YouTube tutorials. There's so much that I have to offer that I am not doing, and that is poor decision making on my behalf. So feel free to hold me accountable. Ask me about what I'm working on. Tell me if there is a tutorial that I could make to help you.